You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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