its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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