have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize