I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
