I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
