it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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