I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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