Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
