why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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