I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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