i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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