I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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