My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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