I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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