Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
