i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
