We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
