Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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