By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
