I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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