I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
