Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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