You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
