Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
third nipple confirmed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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