he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
