Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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