Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
