Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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