at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
