At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
