I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
