sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
