I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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