Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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