so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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