we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
