when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
