his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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