My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
