she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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