I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found puke in my bra..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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