He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
