I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
