By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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