I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
