Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My breath smells like gin and sadness
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
