I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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