wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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