Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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