a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
